An attempt to continue the sanity (Part 2)

I have seen it coming. I know that it will only take a few sunsets for it to finally happen. I know yet I didn't gave enough even just to fight it because I know I couldn't stop it.

The indelible mark is already printed. And its message is clear, I was lost but I never lose.

---------------------------

nxt
Summer

Two cents of sanity left and a year plenty of change (Part 1)

The law of gravity is says it best, "anything that goes up must come down". And so it was. This year was one hell of a ride for me (i can only guess that a lot of people have also experienced this). It was fast, heart pounding, adrenalin raising with a couple of twist and turns and a lot of ups and downs just like a roller coaster ride (after it i won't be shock that i'll puke).

Well here's my recollection time.

It started a few months during the second semester of my first year. As expected the accomplishments I made during the first sem became a burden (rather than add to my confidence). Everything that I do is carefully scrutinized to meet the standards that I and the people that surround me have created. Doing so was like subjecting myself to my own death sentence. But there's no other road left to take. I had already passed that chance and turning back is not an option.

Pressure had already been my medium to achieve. I continued with this in mind even though I know sooner or later it will take its toll.

And so it did.

But along the way I stumbled upon a person who will turn me and my perspective on things upside down. This person is the one I fear yet I liked (its platonic alright!) the most. This persons words are the sharpest, so sharp that it can even pierce through my psyche. This person molded me into something different, so different that I do not know if I should thankful of that (or blame) . This person was fierce but ironically it drew me more closer. *

This person was the chaos of my life. My life that has just begun to gain direction but is already on the verge of collapse. Until now im still uncertain if this person had saved me or drowned me more in the pool of confusion. But onething's for sure, I will never be the same again for this person had made taste suffering in its sweetest form. And now I long for that.

I long to suffer.



*notice that I always refer to whoever I'm talking about as a "person". I intend to conceal this persons identity for personal reasons (and yes i'm probably in love w/ him but its platonic)

A flower blooms in the dark sky

Ai wa, kanari itai. (Love really hurts.)

hisashiburini zetsubou shitéyo. majide. (It's been a while since I wanted to despair. Really.)

--- to be continued---

What remains of the night?

This piece of ticket and a couple of memories embedded in it.

Big night... small me.. as usual

Since I watched the amazing speech of Joel Lamangan wherein he used pure Filipino, let me follow his footsteps... well in a way...

--------------------- ******************** ---------------------------
but before that...


---terribly beautiful pictures.. got this from www.u-blog.net/falobarato. there are really nice pics there... i think he's a great for an amateur photographer..

--------------------- ******************** ---------------------------

Maybe tomorrow.. i think my muse had already left me.

Ewan

Looks can really be deceiving.

Above is a pic of the taenia scolex.. if you do no not know what it is the sucker of a kind of tapeworm.

La lng ko magaawa actually and I thought it looks so nice so why not post it..

Gloomy Monday

There is something terribly wrong this day,
there is something that shouldn't be
I am out of my senses.



I hear nothing but piano pieces
striking loneliness at its every key.
I feel nothing but numbness
piercing my core.
I smell nothing but the aroma of
Death
that is tempting me.

- -

I am powerless
so I will
Live.
I feel Pain
And I can
ENDURE.

Musings derived from the Last and first

There are things that are better off experienced once.
Unrepeated.
Left alone to be nourished by the stagnant time.

It is like dying, living and loving.

Again is its poison.
Numbness is its death.

Staying the same

everything changes,
everything changes.
everything changes.
everything changes.

everything changes.
everything changes.
everything changes.
everything changes,
but me.

I should have written this when we were asked by our Literature professor to composed a poem about staying the same. But instead I have written this

Colors change from red to blue,
Seasons pass all year through.
I wonder if this is true
For the love I gave to you.

Fighting with what time dictates
Is putting life at the stake.
....( i forgot this line)...
For I know...
Change is something I will not make.

11/28

The cliche is here again. Always dominating my life, my mind and my self. It is so true that when you reach these times it would be better if you really have a concrete reason to cry, to let yourself be taken by the the drama and bitterness it deserves. It would be better if you know who he really is and why I hurt this way but then I am here and hurting by the thing beside me that I do not know. I am just left here to absorb and imagine each and every tragedy that could have occured to make me feel this way and dark as it may always be its hue differs from love, friendship, defeat, dessertation and even victory fron something you do not want.

Now I am compelled to ponder upon things, if not upon everything. Time is running away from me and I have to chase it soon or else I will be forever trapped in this frozen time of misery.

For now I will think that the cliche of it all is life itself.

-- Untitled --

You sit elbow to elbow with people you know but not
Shells overlap but souls do not meet.
This is just another incident
Turned into a fatal one.

Its not a whisper from your head
But a scream deep within,
You are many when standing
Lying all alone.

...

Signing in... but not permanently

Damn it! Forgive me that word cause I just can't help it. I still can't believe it that I have lived for almost a month without even a single glance my mails (and a million thanks to the creator of yahoo because of my expanded mail box.. all the mails that are sent to me have all been stored properly but sadly including those useless bulk mails), an update of my blog (why is our modem broken when i have so much enthusiasm to update my blog?.. the irony again) , a chat with my cyberfriends (and also with my real life turned cyberfriends) and a dose of peyups that is giving me adequate (i admit sometimes too much) supply of passion (vs practicality), compassion (vs apathy) and whole lot more that is vital for my survival in this materially driven world exacerbated by the twisted flow of life.

ok... enough of my sentiments..
....
...
..
signing off
.